I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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