It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
