but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
