just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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