I cockslap morals
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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