Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
handjob tips. give me some.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
