I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I currently don't understand fingers.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
