I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
