Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
