jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I need help removing her.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
