I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I love you.
Bad choice
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