3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
love makes seman taste better
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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