wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize