Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
