I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
