you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
