The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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