So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
