Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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