My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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