I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
