Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize