Who wears a wallet chain?!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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