Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
