u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
