Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
