If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
3 2 1 whiskey
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
