I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
