I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
