Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
