that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
