1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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