I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize