The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
