I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
