If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
