i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
