I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
