We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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