You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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