I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
