we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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