It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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