Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
