I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
