Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
