Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
