Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We are two peas in an std pod
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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