Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize