Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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