I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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