I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
