i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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