i need an iv and a liver transplant
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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