I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
