I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
