I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
