4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
