Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
