The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
