I cannot find my penis.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
