Pappa wants mamma naked
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
