There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
