Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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