New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
