hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
