It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
