Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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