Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize