Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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