Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
