Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
