I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
