Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
