he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
