saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
