Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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