piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
