Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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