I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
