what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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