Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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