YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
