I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize