Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
