i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
