i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
