AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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