Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
