I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize