And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
