You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize