Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
