I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
