i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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