You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
