Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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