Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
