Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
